A Real Friend (Sent to me today by my friend L.) Are you tired of all those mushy "friends" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Getting testy with those neurotic people who think you should have to mail back those saccharine sweet little nothings dripping with kittens, hearts and smiles just to prove you're their friend? Again, and again, and again? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself! Friend... When you are sad ...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry ass who made you sad. When you are blue ... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you. When you smile ... I'll know you finally got laid. When you are scared ...I will rag on you about it every chance I get. When you are worried ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit your stupid whining. When you are confused ....I will use little words to explain it to your dumbass. When you are sick ... stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have. When you fall ....I will point and laugh myself silly. This is my oath ...I pledge 'till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend! P.S. A friend will help you move.... A really good friend will help you move a body.