5/01/2005

Fearless/Feckless On a fairly regular basis, someone will say something to me that indicates that they think that I'm not scared of much. A couple of weeks ago a girlfriend was discussing some career changes she was going through and how she ws handling them. She said, "But, I don't have Maggie's self-confidence." All I could think was "I don't have Maggie's self-confidence, either." I didn't say it, of course. Friday night I was having drinks with a friend from my writer's group and she asked why I wasn't submitting more of my work. "I can't imagine you being scared," she said. Of course I'm scared, I thought. Rejection is a horrible, horrible thing. Instead, I replied that, amidst all the other things I'm doing, I'm simply mangaging the flow of rejection. Why try to start and company--fraught with stress, among other things--and a writing a career--fraught with its own stresses--at the same time? The truth is everything scares me. Rejection scares me the most. Rejection says, "I don't want you. Period." Think of Jennifer Aniston. No, really, think about blonde, perky, rich Jennifer who was once hitched to Brad Pitt. Now he's hitched to Angelina Jolie, the world's most impossibly beautiful woman. Pretty Jenny dumped and replaced by uber-mom Angelina. It can and does happen to everyone. But, don't feel sorry for Jenny and don't feel sorry for me. I once read a great short story about how an average Joe wins the love of a beautiful woman. The beautiful woman was tired of hearing men tell her how beautiful she was. The average Joe won her with three simple words, "You're so smart." (Okay, that's kinda 4 short words...or 3.5, anyway.) In the story, the woman isn't really very smart, but it's what she wants to hear. So, officially on the record, I welcome anyone to tell me, "You're so scared." Go on. I can take it.

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